Bingo – the new fountain of youth?

June 16, 2010 at 12:34 am (Uncategorized)

I live a little too close to the Bingo palace. As much as I love Bingo, this can be a very scary place!

Let me set the scene. Outside, in the parking lot, the old “girl scout” sense of helping out overwhelms you. Little old ladies struggle towards the entrance any way they can…with walkers, wheel chairs, canes. Handicap permits adorn car windshields. But inside, oh inside it’s a whole different ballgame (if you will).

The cute old ladies completely morph once they step foot into the magical Bingo Palace world! Look around you and you see them…one woman to a table armed with more daubers than she has appendages! The speed and agility these women display as the fervently mark their million game cards sprawled around them like a cheap paper desert bedazzles the eye! And the nice old lady in the purple cardigan who was so grateful and humble for your escort into the building  jumps to action as if in the presence of a faith healer! God bless the poor sap who calls a false Bingo as millions of bifocaled eyes glare in unison at the Bingo novice who cannot keep up with the caller!

Blood thinners, fountains of youth, arthritic pills…I am convinced grandma needs none of these! Take her to Bingo!

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Trailer Park Living: “Pink Flamingo Paradise” or “For the Birds”?

June 15, 2010 at 11:59 pm (Uncategorized)

So I live in a trailer. The really fun thing about living in one is being able to make fun of it without sounding like a massive jerk. Those of you who have never lived in a trailer are probably wondering why anyone in their right mind would ever choose this lifestyle and those of you who HAVE either wonder the same thing, or wonder “why not?” Following is a short list of pros and cons to a mobile home existence for the trailer novice.

Pro: Being “mobile.”  Trouble with the neighbors? Trouble paying the lot rent? Sick of the climate? Neighborhood going down the tubes? Pack it up and move it out.

Con: Being “mobile.”  I find that during massive windstorms, or during a tornado, a foundation is always preferable to “skirting.” This is not the way to be evicted. More preferable method above…pack it up and move it out.

Pro: A sense of “community within a community.”  Once you are a resident in the trailer park, unless you’ve really p-o’ed the neighbors, there seems to be a sense of comaradarie. “Can’t believe what they’re charging for lot rent!” “Can you believe they made me move my boat?” Everyone can relate to everyone else. We aren’t high maintenance here!

Con: A sense of “community within a community.”  Just like anywhere else, there’s always some wierdos living next door. In a trailer park, though, next door is a much shorter proximity! For instance…there was one evening last fall when I saw my neighbor standing outside of his trailer shaving his armpits with an electric razor. And no…I will NOT let you borrow my lawnmower.

Pro: Pretty cheap rent. This is pretty self explanatory.

Con: Pretty cheap rent. You’re still, however, paying rent. There’s no such thing as free parking! And it isn’t cheap to rent the 2 ft. square space of lawn that must be perfectly maintained to community standards at all times…or else!

That is a short list. There are obviously other annoyances, like finding anyone who will come to a trailer park to do any maintanence (the last guy I had come out to fix my water heater explained that – nothing personal to me – people in trailers don’t pay bills. Right.) There’s the obvious social stigmas. There are many cats running around outdoors (good for mouse control, bad to crawl up under skirting!) There are speed bumps. And MANY children to populate the streets and sidewalks.

But at the end of the day, I own a temporary piece of something…my own little sanctuary in the middle of the maelstrom. And I will rock those pick lawn flamingos…all day long!

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Angry Kitty.

June 15, 2010 at 1:29 am (Uncategorized)

So as my introductory post to my shiny new blog, I thought I would explain (?) my “Gravatar Widget” image – as it says a lot about me and how this thing is probably going to proceed. This picture is of my angry kitty Zoe, was taken back in her svelte body image days (she’s a 20 pounder now). She just got out of the tub (don’t ask why I bathed my cat!) and her facial expression pretty much leaves accurate foreshadowing as to what happened next. I still have the scars.

I tend to be a little on the cynical side. I’m not sure exactly how or why this happened, but it has. I don’t adjust well to change, so it’s just the way things continue to be. I tend to think of myself as a pessimistic realist, extroverted introvert and several other contradictions. I am extremely sarcastic. I tend to complain a little. I’m not exactly politically correct and I don’t exactly mince words. And you can read by my expressions (and hopefully by my writing!) exactly what’s on my mind. If you understand what I mean by that, or how I am just by looking at that picture of my cat, welcome to my blog! If not, you’re probably going to be pretty disappointed. Other possible potential readers might include…

Anyone who owns the entire “Daria” show on DVD,

Anyone who starts most of their conversations with “First of all…”

Anyone who isn’t in the “popular group” and doesn’t cry themselves to sleep over it,

Anyone who loves over-using analogies,

Anyone who’s been accused of being a little too sarcastic,

Any 20-something female who finds they think more like an 80-something male more times than they would like to admit.

I hope if you stumble across my stuff you’ll check it out…and maybe enjoy some of it. I’d hate to cry myself to sleep at night otherwise!

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